Introduction of the Man-Lump

Remember the famous line Tom Hanks delivers in A League of Their Own – “There’s no crying in baseball!”  For guys, there is no crying in watching movies either.  Why cry at a movie?  It’s not real life.  Some argue that crying is no different than laughing at a movie.  I laughed the entire time I watched The Hangover.   My jaws were literally hurting.  I had a friend tell me she cried the entire time she watched that Cameron Diaz-little girl with cancer movie (too lazy to Google it).  So that brings up the question, what is the difference between crying and laughing at a movie?  Well, the difference is that Man Law VI states that there is no crying at movies.  But what do you do about those sports movies that really get to you?   Every dude knows what I’m talking about.  An inspirational story that you’ve seen a million times and every time you watch it, you get close to letting the tears flow but you hold back.  Ladies, want to know what keeps the tears from flowing?  The Man-Lump.  What is that you ask?  The Man-Lump is the lump in a guy’s throat when he’s caught up in the emotion of a movie but just can’t or won’t cry.  Tears will not be shed but there will be the lump in the throat usually followed by a cough or some other distracting gesture.  Below are a few of the sports movies that deliver the Man-Lump and a few other movies that might cause the lump to show up as well.

Rudy.  Without a doubt the number one on the list.  When that little Irish guy runs on the field for the first time, it’s so awesome that you have to strike yourself with a throat punch to keep the lump from showing up.

Field of Dreams.  This is a great movie in general but has the Man-Lump moment at the end when he realizes it is his father and throws out the line – “Dad, want to have a catch?”

Rocky.  I’ve never suffered the Man-Lump from watching this one but in a quick poll, I discovered this one was pretty high on the list.  I actually get a tear knowing that Rocky defeated Communism in Rocky IV.

The Express.  A recent movie that not a lot of people have seen.  To me, it was a great sports movie about a guy (Ernie Davis) I knew nothing about.  Check it out if you haven’t seen it.

The Natural. A great redemption story about a guy who finally makes it to the big leagues later in life after a girl shoots him when he’s young.  Why she does it is puzzling?  Apparently she’s jealous of successful men or something.  It’s set in the 30s or 40s and I guess back then girls were jealous of male sports stars.  These days she would have four of his kids and get a reality show on E!

A few non-sports related ones for good measure…

Saving Private Ryan.  When he asks his wife if he is a good man at the end, it’s a tough moment for us all.  Maybe the greatest movie ever…in my opinion.

Shawshank Redemption.  Guys, we never had a shot with Morgan Freeman staring and narrating.  He could’ve been Frank the Tank in Old School and turned it into an Oscar-winning drama.

Big Fish.  Definitely a different movie.  Not necessarily one of my all-time favorites but a good one nonetheless.  It will get you pretty good at the end when he’s carrying his pops to the lake.


One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Stormey on December 3, 2009 at 5:02 am

    Wow. I’m (nearly) speechless. You’re on the ball this month! The Express: wow. I’m pleased you had this one on here. OK, so I’m a girl, but I was trying to hold back from audibly bawling nearly the entire movie. I would venture to declare any person who didn’t shed a tear (guys included) completely heartless and inhuman. Nice call on it’s inclusion.


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